MOON PALACE, PAGE 30 "POWERLESS TO INSANITY"

I had to convince myself that i was no longer real, and the result was that all reality began to waver for me. things that were not there would suddenly appear before my eyes, then vanish. a glass of cold lemonade, for example. a newspaper with my name in the headline. my old suit lying on the bed, perfectly intact. once i even saw a former version of myself blundering around the room, searching drunkenly in the corners for something he couldn't find. these hallucinations lasted only an instant, but they would continue to resonate inside me for hours on end. then there were the periods when i simply lost track of myself. a thought would occur to me, and by the time i followed it to its conclusion, i would look up and discover that it was night. there was no way to account for the hours i had lost. on other occasions  i found myself chewing imaginary food, smoking imaginary cigarettes, blowing imaginary smoke rings into the air around me. those wer the worst moments of all, perhaps, for i realized then that i could no longer trust myself. my mind had begun to drift, and once that happened, i was powerless to stop it.