for myself, by myself

i ask what anyone else is thinking about because im tired of my own thoughts.

there is such sadness in the smallest places, such sadness is the biggest spaces.

i feel sadness for young, unsupported mothers,
the idea of elderly people growing lonely.

i feel sadness for every generation who only knows violence. 

i feel sadness for every child who isn't loved in the way they want to be.

i feel sadness for everything that goes to bed empty

i feel sadness for the scared and helpless and hurt

i feel sadness for everyone living paycheck to paycheck

i feel sadness for everyone who feels imprisoned in their own masculine or feminine body 

i feel sadness for every young person who spends thousands of dollars they dont have on an education 

i feel sadness for everyone who has no passion

i feel sadness for everyone who has not known love

i feel so sad for corrupt governments, broken social justice systems, the treatment of animals, the treatment of criminals, the treatment of mentally ill 

i feel sadness for everything dropped down on a train track 

i feel sadness for worms when it rains

i feel sadness for bugs stuck in windowpanes 

i feel sadness for broken homes

i feel sadness for hospital bills

i feel sadness for lost photographs 

i feel sadness for all that is ripped, crumbling, burning, and forgotten.

i have to remind myself that it is not okay to feel the sadness of everyone and everything sad in the world. it is the hardest thing for me to do. 

SORRY, I FELL ASLEEP

loves, lately

winter, a frozen smoothie, nutmeg, a soft sweater,  putting my toes underneath my space heater on high, then a hot shower

to do to feel empty list

have sex with various people, in various places, whilst under the influence of various psychedelics

spend a week watching people at the laundromat.

make out with the girls in your friend group. make out with the boys in your friend group. keep doing that for years. never talk about it, never feel feelings, and never feel full.

feel like you're wearing the wrong things, enjoying the wrong things, and saying the wrong things, and surround yourself with people who make you feel like shit

wonder if the people in love are actually happy

sit alone on a park bench in the middle of the night and watch the crosswalk signs change colors in the silence of no one. 

write poems and recite them for free on the street. 

run until you can't hear straight anymore. 

choose your home based on proximity to the sea. 

PERPETUAL 4AM

during dinner every night, sit in different positions and in different spaces of the floor around the house. keeps mind fresh, things feeling different, and routine feeling far.

crisp apple at the bottom of the staircase with the lights off

black eyed pea soup in the foyer on red ripping carpet

crack a candy cane into a bowl under the dining room table