i've been home for just over a month. at this moment it is still too difficult to write objectively over my life since august. i can't paint a vivid picture because the memories and still too fresh in my mind and feel i am almost still living it even if being home is the rudest awakening.

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how do you convince yourself of this experience. i cannot put into words the ways that i felt. the thing i am sure of is it was the happiest months in my entire life. it's impossible to describe the moments that weigh the heaviest. a montage sticks in my mind, but no phrases mold together to create them verbally. i see peacock curtains around my windows, the white world illuminated outside. alberto and martin are sleeping in my bed and i get a call from alex that says it is snowing. i tell them so and they run outside to dance in the snow. spaniards reacting to something so normal was beautiful. i see lucia cooking pasta at 5am after returning home from a club. falling in the snow at the curve of the houses with corinne's fucking birthday cake. yelling at her from across bjornkulla the time we'll meet for dinner after simultaneous naps. aitor shares his soup with me. i share tea. we fight with marshmallows and i take cover behind the fridge. martin gets angry. he smokes a cigarette alone. gruñon. alberto pushes me to the snow. we fall together because it's funny. snow angels. georgia angels.  so we go to my room. the hookah. living to the sounds of the xx. in the earlier moments, we worshipped the sun. sitting outside reading textbooks, or a barbecue, or cuddling with blankets on benches around the hookah and talking about nearly everything. "erasmus life." moments when we knew the end was near. party elevator. the last party elevator. the last kitchen party. the last time i'll be in a club legally for another year. public transportation conversations of "i won't miss you. i dont miss people'' but maybe i am just overemotional because i miss incredibly too much.  the asian in the kitchen. "sorry". nights of okalimotxo and aitor kissing father HAHA. sharing cigarettes with thierry. poppy. capou. bus partner. i love you. spending hours in super markets. candy isles. individual ones. the french with their vodka. there is something about french people that is so endearing. HELLO CITY HALL! allez. cold walks around the city. i was lost. i called joakim. the statue of the warm woman. i touch her stomach. i look at the boats on the water. or maybe they are ferries. it's culture either way.  i love you. i love you. i love you stockholm. i will be so glad to see you in the sun.