in another life, i stayed in sweden after fall

in another, i stayed in spain after summer 

in another life, i moved to seattle for graduate school

in another, i got the fulbright to the czech republic

in another life, i married my high school sweetheart

in another, i'm a fundamentalist christian

in another, i never met you

in another life, i never met you

in another, i studied journalism

in another life, i studied photography

in another, i'm good at math

in another life, i stayed in chicago

in another, i became a web designer

in another life, i'm good at drawing 

in another, painting

in another life, i was born in mexico

in another, i'm a mail carrier.

PUT SOME GODDAMN MOVES ON YOU

Monday jul 24, 2023

Listening to: Moves by Suki Housewater
Watching: LI s10
Eating: Watermelon from Peddler's Daughter
Lighting: Incense
Putting off: Writing thank you cards
Grieving: Summer 

writing a to-do list and then not look at it again
find it in a year and finally cross off all the things i did without being told to!
writing thank you cards, making sure to send to older family members first, so as to not upset them further that i'm 24 days late. the faster the thank you, the more sincere?

i've been trying to gather up the motivation (courage? inspiration?) to write, to write anything at all. i organized my office space. painted a black accent wall in my kitchen. hit streak day 63 on duolingo. watered my plants. got cortizone10 for this whatever it is on my face, that first made an appearance in june (maybe late may). bought new ikea shit. reorganized my desk and pegboard, brought in a rug and a lamp and a place to burn incense. that was just yesterday, so i guess it's working because i am writing this! it also helps R has been out of the house all day and this evening. enough time on my own to hear my own thoughts. i haven't written on here since 2021, and before that not frequently. chicago is a blur. a not totally pleasant blur. 

it's hard to find a moment of silence. self-inflicted loudness: podcasts, tv shows in my airpods, music. it also has to be the right time of day. this is it, this is prime quiet brain time: 9:53pm. and interrupted by roux vom. duty calls, mother duty. i sent grandpa in to clean it up. i think there's a dead chipmunk in our yard. R is supposed to remove it with a shovel. i do feel a bit guilty i didn't do something to keep it dry when it was storming today. but i was keeping dry. when i checked on it later to see if it had moved, it hadn't. and it was soaking wet. it hasn't moved since yesterday, but it was alive and alert yesterday. we thought it was just mother duty.