OTHERS, MORE

how could i have expected you to assemble any feeling for me or ever voice any idea of love
when even your orgasm was stifled and numb

"in another universe, you kiss my sunburned shoulders and in another one every gas station is a home and in another one you have your own sun and one of those is a universe where i never speak"

HEAVY/CLOUDED

self-confidence below sea level
i hope all the food i left in your cabinets is moldy

feeling heavy but not knowing where to put all the things making you heavy cause everything’s kinda clouded. i want to feel the weight of you, on top of me, accepting me. just feeling overwhelmingly empty. doing everything but still not feeling enough. just numb. but like numbness that you can feel in a terrible way.

i will be in new york city on friday. i can't stop thinking about paris, sadness, and the horror of inhumane humanity.

I'VE FALLEN SHORT AGAIN

I've been outgrown
hibernate

cloudy bright night 

beauty alone

not painful sad

small feelings abt big things 

we've been outgrown

a tiny spencer statement & vancouver 

PARESIS

1. drinking a bottle of wine before leaving my apartment just to be able to talk (2014)
2.  being social for the first time without needing alcohol to feel comfortable (2015)
3. crying in the middle of the street into the phone to you, and strangers asking me if i was okay when you didn't (2015)
3. eating only a grapefruit for a whole day, two days, and forgetting to eat all together (2011, 2012, 2015)
4. being so afraid to be alone with myself that fucking whoever seems like a better option (2012, 2013, 2014, 2015)
5. giving up on family (don't remember when it started and it hasn't ended)
6. loving someone and then learning who they are (2015)
7. not recognizing what i am (don't remember when it started, and it has gotten worse)
8. when, apparently, you remember nothing you did in an entire year (2013)