It is an amazing thing to be completely self-reliant. I woke up the past three days having no idea what the day would lead to. I stayed from friend’s house to friend’s house and didn’t plan accordingly. Tonight I went to Kolby’s, and we smoked and listened to whatever music I wanted and talked about bikes and office supplies—then I walked. I just walked, you know, I don’t have a home here anymore and all of my friends left town. Having the freedom to be doing something, and being somewhere, that no one is aware of or cares about is amazing. No one knew where I was, or has known where I’ve been. I can walk and watch the storm and lightning and not a single other person knows of my presence here. As soon as I start to feel close to someone, anyone, I am scared they’ll hold me back. I want to be able to go whenever and wherever I please. I don’t need someone to make decisions or judgments based on me because I’m living for myself. People let so many things get in the way of really living, and it scares me. It scares me that I know enough to not know anything. It’s not about drinking, or smoking, and it’s not about one thing completely at all. It’s about having the courage and comfort to pursue life on your own. And you know, now, as I’m laying here relaxing for the first time in weeks, I’m just listening to the rainstorm outside and I know that it’s summer. I’m going to read Dorian Gray and consider things. It could have rained the whole time. It didn’t though, I could just watch. And last night I watched the moon. It was the biggest it will ever be again until 2016. Things like that fascinate me, you know, and not enough people notice them. And anyway, trundle out, pringlehorses.
These people have taught me so much about life. I'm so happy.
