VOID?

i don't remember the things i used to do with you

tonight i walked alone. i tried to catch snowflakes with my tongue and i ran after them.

so i ran alone with my tongue out for snowflakes and i don't remember if that's something i would have done with you. was i weird? was i afraid you'd think i was weird? this sort of stuff bothers me

how did i act for four years?
time makes me crazy.

ONLY MOMENTARY

i've lived since august knowing this euphoric state of mind and experience would all come to some form of dramatic, heartbreaking ending.  and now, after nearly six months, it is so.  the first of us leaves in eight days--so the countdown begins.

here, i have friends that instantaneously became family; which now extends and exists from across the atlantic ubiquitously.

i learned to enjoy the process of life.  enjoy the process of creating.  where in the united states, we live a pre-packaged life, programmed to do what we see in the media, programmed to do what universities say we need.  working toward a common goal in the end: wealth, security, happily married, 50's family style.  here, it is all about enjoying the process all throughout, not just the product in the end that is simply unattainable, perhaps even nonexistent.

i lived here subconsciously always aware of the shrinking timeline because it was always there.  in the first weeks when we bought a hookah, asking who will take it when we go home.  it doesn't matter and that isn't important but even in the beginning there were commitments i didn't want to make.  it is hard to live appreciating everything when you always know it isn't forever and is utterly and completely temporary.  the situation where all of us are together again is never plausible after this and i can't fathom this kind of instant separation and loss of everything i've experienced.

unable to express where my life has gone throughout the semester.

goodbye alex.

TOWERS

towers is the name of the dormitory that i lived in in college; it's made up of these two towers-north and south-my girlfriend lived in one and i lived in the other. it's about falling in love, but also about what happens when you've long fallen out of love and those reminders are still there. you drive by them, these two buildings, and you look, and you realise that we really built that up. that we really built that love into these things, and for a long time afterward, looking at them really made me feel sad; to see these empty buildings that i don't go in to anymore. but then, as time goes on, they start to become kind of joyous in their own way: you can look at them and think 'that love was great and these buildings still stand tall.' but there's also an element of the fact that they're just buildings-they're gonna fall down one day, and they're not that important because there's new love in your life and you've got to break things down that get built up.