I'M A SOCIALIST

I'm the happiest I've been in a very, very long time. And I'm at a very comfortable place. I got my acceptance letter to Södertörns högskola yesterday. I haven't been so happy in two years. 

A case of you

James Blake - A Case Of You

Just before our love got lost you said "I am as constant as the Northern star."

Aside from obsessing over James Blake in general as of late, this song just kills me. Things change and you never even know it, you know. That's what happens when you're young I reckon. People are still growing and changing and figuring out who they are and I suppose that's hard to do when you're mainly only existing as a unit aside someone else. And I'm still trying to figure out who I am too. I'm existing alone now though, and it's not scary anymore. And next time, I'll do better about being true to myself as well. Can't let someone envelope me completely so. Still seeing you in everything I do and every person I meet, but it will pass. Bad things and good things, yeah, but mostly good. 

A life update circa early March

I haven’t posted an actual update on my life in quite a while-and you know, not that anyone needs to read it, but at three in the morning I quite like organizing and making plans-and I do my best thinking at night.

I spent most of this year in quite bad shape and lately I’ve gotten out of it almost completely. I made a really wonderful friend, Katelyn, who in turn, introduced me to so many other amazing people. I finally have friends I can just hang out with, without effort. Everyone is so nice and fun and they all make me so happy. I made another really great friend, Amanda, recently as well. She is the funniest person ever, and we are just so alike. We’ve spent the last two weeks drunk together and it’s been amazing. It’s so great how something as simple as meeting two really wonderful people can turn things around completely-or maybe it isn’t so simple but I’m grateful nonetheless. In such a short amount of time I feel closer with them than practically anyone and I think that’s quite extraordinary. I’ve been letting go of everyone who’s let me down, and I feel so much better. Having friends who genuinely care about you is ten times greater than wasting time on other people.

I’ve got five more weeks of school until summer. I can’t believe that. The whole year is over practically-and though it was nothing like I was expecting, or hoping for, I came out a much better, stronger, and more independent person. I’ve learned more about myself than…ever. And maybe that’s what this is about, really.

My classes have been overwhelming and they’re actually quite difficult which I’m not used to honestly-I’ve never really had to study before, ever, and this semester has been challenging. So far, so good. I’ve also been participating in several organizations on campus which is nice because I do strive to be involved.

In May I’m going to Mexico with my sister, then as soon as I get back, I’m going on a trip to London and Paris with my best friend, Tina, where I’ll finally get to meet my favorite Swedish friend Joakim, who has been one of my greatest friends for almost two years now. I’m so excited.

When my travels are over, it’ll be June and I’ll be moving back to Warrensburg where I’m going to try to get a job at a local café. I’m taking summer classes as well, and living in a house with Amanda and three others, which should be so fun. I love having people around all the time and I really can’t wait. My classes are over in July, and come August, I’ll be leaving for Stockholm, Sweden where I’ll be until early January. 

Anyway, currently I’m on spring break and I’m staying at my sister’s house this week to apply for some jobs, get some homework done, watch shitty tv shows on netflix (laguna beach), go for runs, and nap all day. A home away from home. 

People aren’t so bad after all by the way; it just all depends who you surround yourself with. I’m happy and things are going to be so, so good. I cried the other day just about how happy I’ve been, how lame is that? It’s just completely different from how I was and it’s comforting because I made it all on my own- none of my friends even helped me through it honestly- and I made it okay anyway. Just always have to count on yourself; if I’ve learned anything, it’s that.

Now I’ve got great friends, exciting plans, and I even kind of like someone. I’m so very excited and anxious for summer and ready to move on.

Jerusalem Café

Tatyana and I went to the Kansas City Plaza tonight and went to Jerusalem Café's Hookah Longue. It was so nice outside and I love the atmosphere at the Plaza. Basically I like the atmosphere anywhere there's actual civilization. Anytime I get to leave Warrensburg, I get very excited.

It was so super fun. I love best friend dates. Afterward we went to Coldstone but it was closed so we went to Ihop and I had nutella crepes which were delicious and also hot chocolate, despite the seventy degree weather. Good way to end Spring Break. Back to reality tomorrow. But that's surprisingly okay because I'm anxious to see my friends.

I guess we'll just have to adjust.

My friends are the coolest most amazing people. I have so much fun with them and they make me so so happy.  I'm so grateful and thankful I found them. Katelyn, you especially. Our many weekends spent dancing and drinking and laughing and singing. When I think of Freshman year, these will have been my favorite times, hands down. It's only Spring Break and I'm already nostalgic for it. 

Send your dreams where nobody hides.

Certainly not new to blogging, but hi. This is a new start! I was tired of tumblr and not feeling comfortable posting my own pictures and life-so here goes. Here I'll post whatever I want and keep track of my upcoming travels to London, Paris, and my semester in Sweden. It'll be nice to look back on.

Until then, I shall document the last few weeks of Freshman year. Making the best of what's left. It's been the most stressful, unexpected year I've had thus far. Though I spent most the year being unhappy, I'm leaving a much stronger, happier, and independent person. I've made great friends along the way, (just in the past month mainly) and I'm doing well now. I learned so much about myself and I've never been so confident on my own. And I can speak for myself now,  which is something that is quite new. Not so shy anymore. It's a nice thing. My friends are great. People are great. I have so many amazing experiences coming up and I can't wait for everything to change for the better. Even better. It's funny how once you experience real real sadness, how much more grateful you become for everything else. I have an amazing family, friends, and opportunities. I love my major. I love school and I live with my best friend. I make an effort to appreciate everyone and every little experience now. It really is the simple things that matter. That's what I've learned. And how to be my own best friend which is also very crucial.

Still trying to decide if I should broadcast this blog, which is something I've never quite openly shared. But now I'm thinking of giving this url out to my friends and family while I'm abroad so they can keep in touch and see what I'm up to. Depending on what exactly I am up to shall determine if this blog is appropriate to share. Hm, alright.

Good enough. Good start. Goodnight.