i timed the walk to california; 13:35.61, so if i need to get out of logan, i can do it in about fifteen minutes.
im devastated by the world now, as usual, stockholm attacks at åhléns, a place ive walked by and around hundreds of times, an eleven year old girl, walking home from school was hit and killed by a senseless act. in egypt, christian churches were bombed on palm sunday. 44 dead.
i have left missouri, left kansas city, and can leave logan if i need to. but none of us can leave the state of, and reality of, our own world. there is nowhere in this world free of madness, and if convince yourself you've found it, you're even more mad.
10 April 2017
05 April 2017
YOUVE MADE YOUR BED
saying goodbye with a lemon tart and an $8 orchid. now i can hear the train fly past on north milwaukee from my room.
this is how we wrap up loose ends and unravel new starts; fall in love with a $69 painting of a geisha. thinking, 'if i don't think about it', i could be in new york. finding it is much easer to work with you and feeling i'm accomplishing half as much without. killing time in public spaces, wet benches, creaky hardwood, glossy white tiled exteriors outside of takeaway pizza joints, reflecting light from cars and sprinkles. ive tried every take-out, vegan friendly restaurant on fullerton ave., i won't have gas in my kitchen for another week, and this seems to be a successful way to get me out of the house, though briefly. i bought slippers for cold feet and cold floors, i bought floss and it's very shitty ive been bleeding in my new sink. today i watched an amy winehouse documentary, mopped again, repotted a plant from pots i found outside on my back deck, didnt have the energy or wherewithal to go get myself a coffee, so ive had a throbbing headache, and just took an excedrin at around 7pm. so i tried to read a bit, but i fell asleep. tomorrow i will go get myself a coffee.
it's been gloomy out and raining every day so far, so i guess i feel like staying home, not too cold, just really wet. i'm trying to write again, but i haven't got much inspiration or need to write when im feeling okay. katelyn sent me $5 to go get a coffee, sophia keeps reminding me to write "write a poem today!", and i've thought about asking mackenzie to remind me to eat x3 meals a day.
it's not all good, i still find myself to be driven by fear of simply remaining, but i don't want to kill myself !
this is how we wrap up loose ends and unravel new starts; fall in love with a $69 painting of a geisha. thinking, 'if i don't think about it', i could be in new york. finding it is much easer to work with you and feeling i'm accomplishing half as much without. killing time in public spaces, wet benches, creaky hardwood, glossy white tiled exteriors outside of takeaway pizza joints, reflecting light from cars and sprinkles. ive tried every take-out, vegan friendly restaurant on fullerton ave., i won't have gas in my kitchen for another week, and this seems to be a successful way to get me out of the house, though briefly. i bought slippers for cold feet and cold floors, i bought floss and it's very shitty ive been bleeding in my new sink. today i watched an amy winehouse documentary, mopped again, repotted a plant from pots i found outside on my back deck, didnt have the energy or wherewithal to go get myself a coffee, so ive had a throbbing headache, and just took an excedrin at around 7pm. so i tried to read a bit, but i fell asleep. tomorrow i will go get myself a coffee.
it's been gloomy out and raining every day so far, so i guess i feel like staying home, not too cold, just really wet. i'm trying to write again, but i haven't got much inspiration or need to write when im feeling okay. katelyn sent me $5 to go get a coffee, sophia keeps reminding me to write "write a poem today!", and i've thought about asking mackenzie to remind me to eat x3 meals a day.
it's not all good, i still find myself to be driven by fear of simply remaining, but i don't want to kill myself !
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