to do to feel empty list

have sex with various people, in various places, whilst under the influence of various psychedelics

spend a week watching people at the laundromat.

make out with the girls in your friend group. make out with the boys in your friend group. keep doing that for years. never talk about it, never feel feelings, and never feel full.

feel like you're wearing the wrong things, enjoying the wrong things, and saying the wrong things, and surround yourself with people who make you feel like shit

wonder if the people in love are actually happy

sit alone on a park bench in the middle of the night and watch the crosswalk signs change colors in the silence of no one. 

write poems and recite them for free on the street. 

run until you can't hear straight anymore. 

choose your home based on proximity to the sea. 

PERPETUAL 4AM

during dinner every night, sit in different positions and in different spaces of the floor around the house. keeps mind fresh, things feeling different, and routine feeling far.

crisp apple at the bottom of the staircase with the lights off

black eyed pea soup in the foyer on red ripping carpet

crack a candy cane into a bowl under the dining room table