concerned about: how to make self feel better?

being here means feeling quite alone. running from here to there. without time, without anyone.

check out books from the library. monitor the daylight through the window, typical on a sunday. have brunch at blackadder. wash bedding. remember how a shower makes a new start to the day possible. read moon palace again. clean the space im in. donate the clothes i dont wear. grocery shopping. go for a run. small movements in big places. listen to sounds. smoke some, have tea.

dont think about how you prefer the person you were before, at a different time, on a different day, in a different phase. remember how interests and hobbies change. stretches. burn candles. dont look at old photos until they dont hurt anymore. take a warm drive, scream a warm song. write more concisely. dig more music without words, life soundtracks. take out the garbage. literally and figuratively. sit by the water. sit in the sun. sit in the sun by some water. sit in the shade. find out what makes you grow. study language, study literature. cook something healthy.

smell clean air, open the windows, watch the curtains dance. put your hand out, please the neurotic tend\encies, be partially inside and out. stick your feet out. light a spliff. dont focus on the distance. focus on the feeling that is very here and present despite the distance.

listen to the sounds of the outside and wonder who else hears it. feel the smoke enter, exit, filter, fly. think about dying your hair a lot of the time when really you're actually quite satisfied. see the purples, aquas, dark blues of the lights below. fall in love with characters in books. dont wonder about the future. onedayatatime. connect the shapes. sort the copies. cradle the soap box. shuffle the card deck. cut the simpleton. swat the cornfield. clarifying the sunshine. string out the crowd. wondering about vegetable gardening.