today marks the beginning of a new experience! something i have needed desperately! sure that i have lived since may 18 again in stockholm (but mostly for resuming old friendships and saying hello again to a city that i am enamored by..) but now, here, today, tonight, this moment! i am living in madrid! until the middle of August! joder! JODER!
i never write things of this nature here. but now that i am living alone (again, as per usual) after a month and a half of living with an insane (albeit wonderful) spaniard, i have access to quiet thoughts again and feel it's necessary to write again (due to the utter lack of someone to share each moment with)
a ver here is the deal. part 1: tomorrow, i will wake up. topple through a toddlers room (given up for me!) dodging suitcases, articles of clothing, random cosmetics strewn across the counter.... and go to the supermarket with my host mum. her english is the same level as my spanish (almost nothing) pues. this is what i need. i need to be uncomfortable. i need to feel
discomfort in being so comfortable. i dont know when i got so comfortable in my life and it is something that i furiously detest. GIVE ME SOMETHING MORE! THROW ME INTO A SOCIETY WHERE I KNOW AND UNDERSTAND ALMOST NOTHING! GIVE ME A METRO MAP TO A CITY I CANT PRONOUNCE ANY OF THE NAMES OF! FORCE ME TO ORDER A COFFEE IN A LANUGAGE I STRUGGLE PROFOUNDLY WITH! FORM RELATIONSHIPS WITH THREE CHILDREN WHO DONT SPEAK ENGLISH! LEARN TO COMMUNICATE IN WAYS MORE MEANINGFUL THAN WORDS! I WANT TO FEEL BRAVE AGAIN!! FEEL ALIVE!! UNTO THE UTTERMOST, I AM STILL ALIVE!!!!!!!
part 2: i will go pick up three children from school in a car in a city that isnt mine. hola hola hola hola hola niñas lokisimas
part 3: we will go swimming y learn and feel sufficient.
part 4: dinner and drinks with aitor and lucia in the city.
i am so damn happy about this process. challenge and knowledge come to me.