BEING PRESENT ONE OUT OF TWENTY-ONE YEARS

i have spent the first year of my life knowing what it is to feel complete. i did not feel empty for people or memories. i did not feel nothingness. i loved without losing the present. i did not worry about missing. i cried, good cries, often. i stopped living so blankly - i felt; i can feel the world again. i breathed deeply in, exhaled and emptied myself of loss, sadness, and anxiety. i am not bitter over human connection, but i no longer fear human contact.

i found ways to relieve stress and anxiety in positive ways rather than abusing alcohol. i cared about my body from the inside, out. i ran every day. i did yoga every morning and evening. i wrote letters. i adopted a vegetarian diet. i loved tea, good coffee, and pale ale. i've become a braver driver. i achieved an intermediate level of spanish. i'm writing a lot more, sketching, and reading. i spent three months in spain. i finished my bachelor's. i applied for a fulbright and masters programs. i stopped wanting the momentarily impossible and opened my eyes to my surroundings.

this year was about finding what i needed physically and mentally and next year will be expanding and further exploring these needs. i feel so sure of being okay. all things feel right with me now and i have learned to not feel empty for anyone or anything.