B A L A N C E

i must find a balance for me, social, job. i am so far in my own head after only two weeks of holiday. i didn't expect to adapt so quickly to the lifestyle of living with family. i sleep in, i watch netflix, i make coffee, i run. i fear leaving my house again. i would rather hate being at home than have a stressful drive out. i have to find a balance. i fear insanity so much. i want to find somewhere where i feel i can hibernate. i dont crave human interaction at all; in fact i generally don't want it in the slightest, and that terrifies me. i want to make these six months about reading all the literature i can, write as much as i can, running, yoga, learning to make new recipes, i wonder if the only way to combat my fears is to make myself drive more. make myself cook more. not get overwhelmed by text messages, following recipes, directions. by contact. when i get so far in my own head i feel completely incapable.