it's not about finding my place in the world, it's about finding myself in each place and building something bigger. what do i expect? i expect solemness, loneliness, challenge, fear, grasping new mental states, culture shock round eight, vast amounts of time set aside to think, read, and write. consider new ideas, wonder about life away, wondering about life here. second guess eleven months away. expand expand expand expand expand and dobrý den. stýská se mi domů, nemluvím dobře, chci se vyjádřit sám sebe tak špatně. i miss my home, i don't speak well, i want to express myself so badly.
we're existing with co-morbid conditions (love ballads in the shower). the small details of new coffee dates with squinting eyes, light rain, light wind. found my favorite part of the human body, finally joked in the ways i know how (and they were understood!)
the desolateness can be discouraging. claustrophobia caused by emptiness. i have no real sense of direction. nothing keeping me here nor pulling me there. it feels so good. in one year, in six months, in one year and six months, i have no idea. to that, i say, thank god i have so much time to think alone and be alone. you can go back to the place, but not the time. i've tried.