seeing that time cannot bloom graciously. trying to have bettering. sit in sad garden. go river blind. edinburgh, june 2014. sit all alone on the riverbank until i forget that i can talk. standing on the edge of a million landscapes emptying. water from the glacier filled my shoes.
drinking everything in the park. bit off all my nail polish...red in my teeth. shadows/shade/shadows/shade/leg shadows. take a photo with my hair covering my face because i hate seeing it. "i. also. feel alone here." madrid, june 2014.
let's skip all this and go to touching moving trains outside of my apartment. climbing abandoned buildings to get a view of the lights. running home half-gone-fully-gone across the train tracks. warrensburg, 2013. a-a-a-a-a-a-a-again. plucking the grey from your head. you, the chronic phone pacer. stop getting fucking lost. coincidentally, we share the morning commute. SO WHAT IS MAKING YOU SO HEAVY?
everyone is just trying to win everyone. so imagine that you are becoming a butterfly emerging from your cocoon and dance to that. sometimes i write things in my dreams. and only when i wake up i can acknowledge that none of it was real. all i can do is highlight in my books with hopes that they can make sense of what it all means. can you learn about your feelings from books? is there a clear science in literature? when will i level out?
"she was amazed at the number of years she had spent pursuing one lost moment."