i'm trying to get comfortable with life here. i'm going to try to live as numbly as possible next semester otherwise i am going to lose it. welcome to the new year. i have to say that 2013 was more of a transition year than anything; spending most of my time wishing to be somewhere else. i'm trying to continue to grow into the person i can become being here, but i don't absorb anything from my surroundings or the people. i'm just going to try to make it out of 2014 without going insane. i realize how negative this is, and i'm typically not so overwhelmingly negative, but the thought of being here another entire year doing nothing but intense studying and working as much as possible makes me a bit sick, and i am quite scared of the looming year. i need some new escape to make its way to me. i need to be around people who and places that inspire me and i have never found that here. i'm going to make 2014 about growing inside of my own head and then get the hell out in december. i'm going to try to get the hell over sweden and move on with my life. i'm really really going to consciously try to get over it, even if that means cutting myself off. i'm going to try to grow despite missing everything and everyone at every moment of every day. i'm going to try to stop living in the memory of the past and focus on what could be in less than a year's time. i'm going to try to avoid name dropping my friends far away and the word 'stockholm' with every conversation i have. it makes it too impossible to live here in the present when my heart and my head aren't here. and cheers to falling off the social map (virtually and otherwise).