Monday jul 24, 2023
Listening to: Moves by Suki Housewater
Watching: LI s10
Eating: Watermelon from Peddler's Daughter
Lighting: Incense
Putting off: Writing thank you cards
Grieving: Summer
writing a to-do list and then not look at it again
find it in a year and finally cross off all the things i did without being told to!
writing thank you cards, making sure to send to older family members first, so as to not upset them further that i'm 24 days late. the faster the thank you, the more sincere?
i've been trying to gather up the motivation (courage? inspiration?) to write, to write anything at all. i organized my office space. painted a black accent wall in my kitchen. hit streak day 63 on duolingo. watered my plants. got cortizone10 for this whatever it is on my face, that first made an appearance in june (maybe late may). bought new ikea shit. reorganized my desk and pegboard, brought in a rug and a lamp and a place to burn incense. that was just yesterday, so i guess it's working because i am writing this! it also helps R has been out of the house all day and this evening. enough time on my own to hear my own thoughts. i haven't written on here since 2021, and before that not frequently. chicago is a blur. a not totally pleasant blur.
it's hard to find a moment of silence. self-inflicted loudness: podcasts, tv shows in my airpods, music. it also has to be the right time of day. this is it, this is prime quiet brain time: 9:53pm. and interrupted by roux vom. duty calls, mother duty. i sent grandpa in to clean it up. i think there's a dead chipmunk in our yard. R is supposed to remove it with a shovel. i do feel a bit guilty i didn't do something to keep it dry when it was storming today. but i was keeping dry. when i checked on it later to see if it had moved, it hadn't. and it was soaking wet. it hasn't moved since yesterday, but it was alive and alert yesterday. we thought it was just mother duty.