i was lucid dream-thinking this. what i had in my head isnt what i've written down . this is a thought twice removed.
a bad habit. a selfish, painful, mutual love-drugged addiction. it was never enough to save me from feeling lost. the more i gave of myself, the more i missed myself. only believing that it was something more than habitual .
this is the most selfless love. there are no expectations. there is no right or wrong. i don't feel empty. i don't feel obligated. i haven't lost myself. there is no missing. there is no sadness. there is only this feeling. this innate sense of validation. like i belong in my head. like these outside bits and these inside bits formed something sane and stable. like my thoughts are worthwhile. i will feel this until i don't and i wonder if i'll ever not.