My father died yesterday at 72.  He spent 50 years married to my mom, and more years than that farming.  We were born one day and 40 years apart, so we have always celebrated our birthdays together.  My dad would notoriously wax poetic on Sunday nights with his best friends on long-distance phone calls.  How were their crops, their livestock, their wives, their kids?

I spent a lot of time as a child in his pick-up truck driving down gravel roads "doing chores"; traveling to and from the hog barn to feed the pigs, looking out the window at fields to see how the crop was doing, and checking on his land.  He couldn't keep his eye on the road - always looking left to right to see how other farmers were doing.  We both loved to watch the rodeo on tv.  

My dad spent a lot of time "crunching the numbers" and watching the weather channel.  In the evenings, while I did my homework at the table, he would sit with his calculator and pen and paper on the couch and count crop yield, profit, and farm equipment expenses.  He could never help me with my math homework, but could do excellent "farm math".  We both loved to read.

He bought piglets for me to raise and show at the county fair.  He attended all of my sports and games, even when they interfered with planting season or harvest season.  He took me out to dinner for every home run I hit.  He took me car shopping at 16.  He taught me to parallel park on our gravel road.  In high school, he warmed up my car for me on cold days and drove me on snow days.  Throughout college, he'd ask about getting an oil change every couple months.  Dad small talk.  We both loved to drink coffee.

Being the daughter of a farmer, our family vacations were sporadic.  He would tell my mom a day in advance he could take a few days off.  We went to Branson almost every year of my childhood, stayed at the cheapest motels, and always came home early so he could get back to the farm.  My first year of college, I went on a trip with my mom and dad to Gettysburg.  We all shared a hotel room, which is something I hadn't done since I was a child.  My dad loved history, especially the civil war.  We spent the weekend at museums and historical sights.  We both loved margaritas. 

He knew when to be serious and when to joke.  He didn't know as well what to do with a daughter, but found other ways to reach me: playing catch or basketball or shooting squirrels with bb guns in the front yard.  He treated my husband like his own, always greeting him with a hat tip and "Russell".  He gave us his old truck a few years ago.  

My dad always wanted to travel the US once he retired.  It is very difficult to get a passionate farmer to retire.  By the time he finally did, it was too late.  

It became very difficult for him to walk in recent years.  When I got married in 2023, he was determined to walk me down the aisle.  I told my mom I was nervous he would fall.  She said "oh well, he wants to do it."  So I walked down the aisle with my mom and my dad together.  He didn't fall. 

My dad suffered from Parkinson's disease and dementia. The past five years, he has been in and out of the hospital for falls and broken bones.  There were times he didn't know what was going on, but he would still be farming in his head.  He was worried about his nephews and his dog.  He was doing chores and driving his truck all from his hospital bed.  This fall has been the most difficult time.  When we moved him into his long-term care facility in September, I fed him at the table in the cafeteria and helped to wipe his mouth and hands.  When we left that day, he still thought he was going back home with my mom.  He didn't understand that he needed to stay and get care there now.  That was the last time he seemed to notice I was there with him.  Since September when I have visited, he hasn't opened his eyes very much.  He hasn't been talking to us, but my mom said he seemed to know when she was there.  I still tried to feed him, wipe his face, and brush his hair. 

I don't know what happens next.  Christmas is coming up, and then our birthdays.  He lost his dad and sister many years ago.  In the past decade, he has also lost his mother and several of his best friends -- three in one year.   I like to think they are all somewhere together being mischievous and catching up.  He told me that this year was the best corn crop he has seen in his lifetime -- I am sure they will all be happy to hear that.